I was never aware that I was capable of spewing this much hate. And yes, now that I know and see the diminutive atom like fireballs spurting from my every part of the body, I think I should do something about it. I am not happy. “About what ?”, you may ask. But this 1:100, brain vs body ratio doesn’t know. I have lost the strength to believe that something good is going to happen; but the only good thing that was happening was that the anger never subsided and I feel the same hate towards everything and everyone.
If you are in super positive frame of mind, I warn you to not read further. This is going to change all that and drag you to my frame, which isn’t good in any way. But, if you are feeling that everything has been unfair to you, I trust you with a company.
I was swimming in wrath that I had to vent it because I couldn’t kill anyone on sight. First thing I did was to drive my vehicle fast. No, not rash. I don’t know if I was because I wasn’t thinking. But I was definitely going at an admirable speed. A grandfather in TVS Champ scorned at me and it felt momentarily good. I wasn’t going to get the anger out of me. I stopped for no one, cared for no one. Then, I tried to imagine something good and that was when my alter ego grew immensely. By the way, she is Kwarkshi, a mix of Evil Father and Angel mother. For obvious reasons, she is very good for a while, very evil other times. This was the exact feeling I was having and more than evil. I let her curse people in my mind till I smiled a lot outside. It worked a bit, but I was running out of imaginations.
As soon as I reached home, I drank one liter carton juice in a single gulp. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t angry because I was hungry. Yeah, its happens. Sometimes.
I let the juice hit my stomach floor and checked my flare temperature. It didn’t come down and I concluded that my irritation was, indeed, genuine. I quickly did a research on the net for bringing down my volcanic eruptions.
Count from 100..till 1. Oh ! Yeah right!
Think of beautiful things. *Double* Yeah right!
Do yoga. Wait. Is this even a solution ? Move every muscle in your body to make you calm ? Touch your feet with your fingers? Isn’t there an organ called stomach in between the two ? And doesn’t it bulge?
I slammed my laptop close, opened it again quickly, to see for damages. It was my office laptop. I just had to be sure.
Thoughts flowed in my head, everything mad, negative and irritating. Every incident, word spoken. I felt betrayed, cheated and sad for myself. It was my mistake that I entered to the comfort zone and it was way too comfortable to make a move. I bottled up all this anger and stood silent.
What should I do ?
What can I do ?
That is when I realized I should harness all this anger and do something about it. First thing I did was write this article. No, it honestly has not made me feel better. I actually think I have written something utter nonsense and drowning in shamelessness. But, this is better than bottling it up inside and not doing anything about it.
So, I am going to be let this bulk-hulk mode on. Focus it all on something totally different and shoot it. Maybe it will turn sour; or for once, it will be for good. I am going to go there. And get it!
P.S., If you think this instilled anger in you, I believe you should share.
P.S., I kept it short. No, I wasn't hungry. Promise.