What? Is it me?

I quite often read my own blog posts. I realised one unusual thing.

I have lost the sense of humour.

What? Is it me??

Blessing and bawling

I fell at my mother's feet.

"Hope you get a good husband", she blessed.

I got up, glared and snapped "Cant you bless me with something like an MBA?"

"I couldn't think of anything at the moment" , she replied trying to look innocent. "Bull!", I growled and shook my head.

"Any way it is not wrong to bless you that way", She justified.

"But it is not what I want at the moment!", I growled again.

"You have been writing CAT year after year. And we have been patient enough", she said.

Very true. Apparently I am one of the very few lucky ones whose parents have let their daughters write CAT again. No, it is not about the exam ; it is about the time period. Two years after college is way too long according to Indian standards. And doing an MBA would take another toll of two years.

It is not pressure. It is irritating to keep in my mind that we don't have time.I don't blame my mother for this. It is the general trend and I have seen her being compelled by other mothers who have married off their daughters early or "at the budding age" to US mapallais.

Once at a jewellery house when we went to get gold coins for Lakshmi puja, a similar incident occurred.

She looked at all the gold stuff and said "Haan! I have to get you that and this..." and again the growling and cribbing started.

"Don't you ever think of anything else in life?", i asked her once.

"You two girls are my most precious things on earth. Don't I have the right to say and do good things for you?", she asked.

"But amma, 24 * 7 it is the same. Are you by any chance brain washing? It is only brain damaging!"

"You don't understand. You will when you cross my age", she said meekly.

Ah!another standard dialogue. It is not like I am hardly romantic or I am against marriages but our own ambitions can be given a thought.

On occasions like this I look upon my father for rescue.

On this particular day of blessing, he intervened too. "What is happening now?, he asked.

"Look at her, dad, again marriage talks", I tried to sound helpless.

"There is nothing wrong blessing her with good husband", my mom justified her point.

Dad looked at both of us and sighed. "Hmmmm...I wonder what the guy's mother is blessing him with. It is not a blessing but a curse for him only", he said and grinned.

I laughed and moved to him leaving behind mom to sulk to herself.

Sigh!

I look at my blog. Nothing new and nothing useful.Just like my life.

Is it worth pushing yourself beyond capability and trusting the instinct every time?Is it necessary to tolerate things happening to you when the truth is slashed across your face and let you know that you cant do it?

On the whole, is it mandatory to do things that you hate just because your ego does not let you accept that you are incapable?

I rather not do a thing I hate but do hundred things I love. Maybe, the thing I hate is going to give me everything-secure future, happiness, pride and even make others happy. But at the end of the day, I just realize I have been cheating myself.

Is it of any use?

P.S.; Sorry for the dysfunctional post. Looks like I am turning pessimist now.