The Planeteers - In Search Of Greatness - Part 2

Read the Part 1 here

*********

He was a giant, matted between the cigarette smokers and women with laced socks who moaned in their lost thoughts for everything. The noise around the tables bounced off the cervices of the wooden walls, and he seemed to absorb everything. This was another usual night, like every other night for past few months. He found his peace in the shrieks, curses and crass adultery. 

He slumped his broad shoulders, hovered over the cards that were arranged in an unusual manner in his large hands. His eyes flicked over the neighbours' cards, but he wasn’t registering anything in his head.

While a card was being laid down under the dim light, he felt someone breathing over his shoulder. 

He didn’t acknowledge the presence of the man, nor was the requestor waiting for it. 

"Suchi! Brother, would you spare me some bucks?", voice behind him barked. 

He snatched few notes from the left pocket that was musked with nicotine powder. The exchange was smooth and no noise was made.

Suchi , the giant,  suddenly felt his senses responding to the word "brother". He remembered everything that he wanted to forget; the very essence why he was here to gamble. He missed Ma-Ti very badly. When the fight with sadness was lost, he threw all his cards on the table as a surrender and got up. Eyebrows were raised, some grunted in displeasure, but he didn’t bother. 

As he strolled towards the bartender, the pungent dark spaces creaked with his weight. Suchi was huge, hairy and always managed to frighten most of the inhabitants of Hope island. Adopted as a younger brother of Ma-Ti, he had travelled to the island along with other Planeteers when their parents died. Relationship of Suchi with Ma-Ti was magnetic. One would never be able to say that Suchi was adopted into Ma-Ti's family.  Over time, ideologies changed, and the brothers parted. Suchi wasn’t sad about the partition, but the bitterness with what they did. It all happened because a girl was involved.

He reached out to the largest cigarette in the counter, yet they looked tiny in his ape like fingers. The puff of smoke brought out the memories of years, something he objected to. Ma-Ti shared a special bond with him, connected to each other through the heart rings. They could communicate easily through their telepathic powers, and often knew the actions of each other. This was the reason their hearts reached out to the same women, except Ma-Ti took it as a betrayal. It started out as a cold shoulder, few quirky comments and finally a full fledge fight. Suchi would often try to reach Ma-ti in his head, just to see if he was feeling the same pain as him. He knew this cannot go on for longer periods as both had only each other as family.

"I am sorry Ma-TI, for I hurt you a lot. I will let Nitra be yours"

He heaved a sigh, but the lungs felt heavier. It was the weight of guilt that he was wearing. He never meant to hurt his older brother.

"Nitra is always his. Let it be as it is. I let my emotions come in between"

Suchi placed his hands on his temple of the head, and felt the beats. This wasn’t the first time. He had considered connecting telepathic before as well, but that would have seemed impersonal. It would mean like conversations over phone, not being sincere. He let go off his attempt and puffed out smoke again.

"The big man, the man, the giant", someone snarled at his back.

Suchi continued smoking like nothing happened. To him, it seemed like leaves rustling. He just had to ignore like every other time. The man leaned forward towards Suchi in search of mischievousness. Suchi elbowed him gently. 

There are times when same things that are seemingly harmless, turn rouge. Today was such.

The man in brown boots bolted himself upon Suchi, strangling the neck playfully both hands. As if the action wasn’t enough, he licked Suchi's ears lobes.

"Monkey, monkey", he whispered like a lover's call in a clandestine operation.

Suchi placed his cigar that was left out in the tray, and rolled his sleeves. In one sudden jerk, he flung the man over. 

The man slid over few chairs, and some people shrieked in horror. Some intoxicated men lifted their beer cups, and women, who looked for drama clung on to the men tighter. The man lay on the floor, frozen and wide eyed. 

Whatever be the cause, Suchi never reacted angry. His reactions always had lot of grace. It was simply not one of those days. 

"I am no one's monkey. No one deserves to call me that", Suchi roared to the entire crowd in the bar.

 "I am Ma-Ti's monkey"

In moments of this drama, his insides churned the hurt. He felt it in his heart. The pain. The only pain. He lost the essence of vanity. It hurt somewhere that he couldn’t point to. 

He focussed hard on the floor, fingers over his temple, concentrating harder than he has ever known. He screamed out for Ma-Ti inside his head. He knew Ma-Ti would never ignore this.

He screamed and screamed, but the receiver did not acknowledge. His Amazonian brother couldn't even be found.  

**********************

Read Part 3 here

***********

While we are here, most of you know I am a huge fan of Vijay Deverakonda . To help with the COVID-19 situation, his team has started a Middle Class Fund, which aims at providing the basic necessities to middle class families. The team has been very transparent in their work, and you can watch the behind the scenes on Youtube (link here )

Last time when I had tweeted about VD, I saw a lot of fans comment on my post, so I felt I could use (my so called writing) platform to make people aware of the foundation. You could donate, volunteer or just spread this message around.

(If you did any of the above, please let me know so that I can give a shout out on my blog)

More details on the foundation can be found here

(Also, if you absolutely hated my writing, please feel free to let me know, and I will donate to TDF :D )

***********

An assignment

I am going to through a writing course, because I needed to pick a hobby. As part of the course, I need to write an assignment about the most painful thing I felt in my life. I have 7 minutes to pour this out, and I could be brave. I have always been brave, or actually hiding because nobody is reading.

So, here it goes, my time starts now :

***

No, it wasnt love, or isolation, that hurt me the most. It was my own failure to give it all in my academics. A trait I cannot keep up with. It was during my teenager days and the final score of an exam, that affected me the most. I scored low among all the friends, and knew I wouldnt be in the best of colleges. And the most painful feeling in the situation was guilt.

I was given every opportunity by my parents to excel in academics. I was given internet at 15, coaching classes, incredible brilliant friends, yet I failed them all. I failed my parents. And it made me so guilty. I cried for an entire week to myself, I cried throughout the night that God could somehow change my scores. It felt like I was always in the limelight, and suddenly someone turned off the switch. I was there, stranded alone, and when I looked further at the audience, everyone stared back. My mother felt so disappointed that she didnt confront me. She wasnt angry . She was quiet. That quietness deafened me. I could hear my own voice in my head, and I am my most best-worst critic. It was my voice telling me that I failed for life. I wasnt going to a good college. I felt , and still feel I dont deserve the single opportunity given to me. All those I was privileged with should have gone to someone else who needed it most. He could have done things much better. It was my first big time failure. It crashed my confidence that I never gained back. It scares me to death of all the consequences that followed. Even today, when I write a simple certificate exam, the 17 year old me wakes up within. She is constantly telling me I am going fail in whatever I do. She is creeping all over my body, and no one understand this when I tell them. I am still ashamed that I disappointed everyone around me.

I am reminded of this again today, and it is the same guilt saddening feeling inside.

I wish I cold vomit these emotions.

And flush it down somewhere.

***

And I am done :)

The Planeteers - In Search Of Greatness - Part 1

The autumn leaves lay low in the chilly night, and the young feeble boy hunched even lower. Hugging his loosely tucked sweatshirt, he sprinted on toes, away from the lampshade. He seemed to have settled subconsciously to not to make any noise. His eyes darted, as he was nauseating in his own shadows, and only thing that was visible was the trickle of sweat from his brow. He listened cautiously, but wasn’t sure if the sound that he heard was his own heartbeat.

'I need to move faster from these assholes. Don’t want this to be my fucking last night’

He grimaced, while his mind tried to knock some sense into him . As his heart pounded in faster rhythm, his feet were doing the complete opposite. He staggered in zigzagged moves, towards the stoned walls that glistened even under the moonlight. He supported himself on the wall shifting the weight of the entire body into his palms. He stretched his neck out of the street as far as his hazed eyes could look. Everything in the scene was muddled; his head, his feet and the night. 

The serene picture that held for a moment ,was suddenly broken with sounds of shoes screeching the tar road. This was accompanied by the muskier shadows of the youngsters who had been chasing him , from the bar on the third avenue, for eternity. Or, that is what it felt like to him.

The clouds on the moon bade goodbye allowing more light to fall on the floor of earth. It looked like the curtains had open, his act had to now instigate.

‘I wish I could undo everything’

‘Why is my life already flashing before my eyes? Why am I so drunk?’

The taste of alcohol still lingered on the tongue and he adjusted the armband that bit tighter into the olive skin.  Any other day, he could have waded away the entire incident with the power he possessed over their hearts. But today, he was befuddled, and his core strength stood out only in defense.

'There he is. Rob! Move towards the main road and turn around. Geek, you go the other way.'

Voices perched on the other side of the street. Amazonian teenager couldn’t judge the distance between him and his chasers, but he sure was aware of their intent.

The sounds of heels cackling began to come closer. Unable to think in his head, he let the spine of his make the decisions. He took a quick drift into a narrow road that had minimum light. He was habituated to the streets, but today they didn't seem familiar .

He took a deep breathe while he lost a step, and began to think of his very close friends.

In all the confusion and vagueness of the chase, the feelings he had towards his friends were pretty vivid. One is never sure when you need them the most. He didn't understand why he thought of them, but he knew situation would have been different if there were still together.  Like most of the relationships, geography and difference of opinions grew them apart. 

He choked on his tears when he knew he could have summoned them together here, had he not been nearly stoned that night.

The reason to everything that was happening that night was because of the alcohol. The drunken moments, unnecessary words and a rogue chase around the town.

When his feet began to wobble, he settled himself on the wooden box next to the trash. The smell wafted in the air, splinters pierced through his palms but his focus was on the sound. The light was cut off on this side of the lane, and his eyes took some time to adjust to the surroundings.

He knew the chasers were very close to him. He felt their presence on all his corners.

'What do you want from me?', he blurted the first words through the darkness.

More out of desperation as he crouched in kneeling position, pushing the box away. 

He saw an average looking boy with long locks lick his lips and walk towards him.

'You smart eh? Think you could outrun us? The gang, the cooler ones. The savage?'

He could not comprehend anything that was asked, but raised his clenched palm in an impulse, not aiming at anyone. It was meant to frighten them.

While he was in the middle of the action, a yellow glow emitted from his ring, blurring and brightening continuously. It looked like hope through the greyness of the surroundings.

The long locks boy titled his head in the direction of the ring, and blinked for few seconds. He broke his bamboozled look with a sudden realization.

'Hey! This kid has a pretty ring. Look, it glows. How cool is that ? Savage.’

‘I am sure that is the second time I heard the word savage. He repeats like Nitra.’

 Long haired boy continued his fascination. ‘See Geek, he does. Look at the light. Let us remove that ring of his finger. Rob, remove the ring.'

Out of nowhere, the boy named Rob broke into the circle. He was like a dog, that took the orders from his master. Two more boys from the gang held each of Amazonian’s arms on either side.They didn't clench very tightly, so the Amazonian was able to wiggle a bit around.

Rob tried to pull the ring from the finger of Amazonian, like a lover who was broken of trust. Not hard enough, but enough a tug.

'Ring tight on finger, DesZ. Pass me your knife. Quick', Rob quipped

The Amazonian tried to make efforts to release himself from the boys while they twisted him on to the ground, now bit more tighter. Rob focused on hand of the boy, then slid the knife into the gap between the finger and the ring.

When the concentration of all the chasers were on the ring , the Amazonian jolted suddenly, scaring Rob. In spur of moment, Rob saw himself staring into the brown eyes. 

When the eyes met, Amazonian squirmed in pain that hit insides of his head. This usually happened if the person ,whose heart he was trying to reach shelved themselves into dark. 

All that the Amazonian wanted was to send a message to conquer the heart.

A message that could have saved the night.

A message that could have changed everything in normal routine.

A message , only when it was passed.

He tried harder to brighten the emptiness of Rob.

It was right then, under the no moonlight zone where everyone stood like nothing was happening, that Rob panicked.  He was clueless with what he was feeling inside. A warmth of heart that he was not used to. A splurge of emotions that he had laid at the grave of his family.

He was uncomfortable with the beautiful feeling inside his heart. 

He tried to erase this feeling in confusion, gripping his only weapon tightly. In one stroke of madness, he finally plunged it into the chest of the Amazonian. An action with no thought, but of dire consequences. Rob would never understand what he had done. He will will never know what the feeble meek voice with the knife driven to his chest tried to tell him. The event that will alter things to come. A new beginning to the end.

The feelings inside Rob began to die again, as much as the Amazonian himself.

Both their eyes softened; one out of foolish regret within seconds he rushed with the knife and other, out of lifelessness.

Amazonian finally fell into the arms of Rob, ending the chase for the final. Other boys stood motionless, unable to comprehend what was happening .

Rob gripped on to the dead body with tears that came out of his hidden emotions. In the exact time frame,  four people woke up in middle of the night at the same time.

Each of them felt a very repulsive sensation. It felt like someone put their heads on fire, anchored their hearts into the bottom of hell whilst their rings glowed out of nowhere for no reason.

The rings shone, each in different colour - Green, Red, White and Blue.  

***************
Read Part 2 here

***************

While we are here, most of you know I am a huge fan of Vijay Deverakonda . To help with the COVID-19 situation, his team has started a Middle Class Fund, which aims at providing the basic necessities to middle class families. The team has been very transparent in their work, and you can watch the behind the scenes on Youtube (link here )

Last time when I had tweeted about VD, I saw a lot of fans comment on my post, so I felt I could use (my so called writing) platform to make people aware of the foundation. You could donate, volunteer or just spread this message around.

(If you did any of the above, please let me know so that I can give a shout out on my blog)

More details on the foundation can be found here

(Also, if you absolutely hated my writing, please feel free to let me know, and I will donate to TDF :D )

***************

Back in randomness

I forgot why I used to write. I dont know where the motivation came from, who read it or what some of my posts even meant. I tried to remember. I vividly understand the surge in heartbeat when I wrote an article. Those non flickering anticipation that each word gave.

What happened to old me ?

What happened to my happiness?

I just saw that the blog was more than a decade old. This means, there are pages of desperation, inspiration and flow of emotions for 10 long years. My each writing would reflect my mood of the day.

Where did my power to dream go? Why am I accepting everything on way now?

Currently, I am a wreck. I am not happy, grateful or sincere. I am lost, devastated and nothing is clear to me. Things I believed in are now forgotten. I live in delusion of black tar. I am suffocating in it, and I cant see.

Would you believe if I told you I have been questioning everyone's happiness?

What makes people happy ?

I dont know. I dont know as much as I dont know what to do with myself. I am too egoistic to delve deeper, and ask the right questions. And I am too proud to talk to anyone.

That was when I realized why I wrote.

Was it my heart speaking?

It has always been easier to write. Like in a diary. I could have never been able to win a speech , but I could write. I have always been able to explain pain as much as I could experience it. It was easier, like breathing.

I am sure it didnt make sense to lot of people, but to me, it did. I knew what I was going through with each sentence.

Maybe, I should write more. Only my sister has been pushing me to write more. I should do it.

I never believed in my writing. It was just a farce. A joke.

But now, to save myself, I need to write. And believe in it.