Back in randomness

I forgot why I used to write. I dont know where the motivation came from, who read it or what some of my posts even meant. I tried to remember. I vividly understand the surge in heartbeat when I wrote an article. Those non flickering anticipation that each word gave.

What happened to old me ?

What happened to my happiness?

I just saw that the blog was more than a decade old. This means, there are pages of desperation, inspiration and flow of emotions for 10 long years. My each writing would reflect my mood of the day.

Where did my power to dream go? Why am I accepting everything on way now?

Currently, I am a wreck. I am not happy, grateful or sincere. I am lost, devastated and nothing is clear to me. Things I believed in are now forgotten. I live in delusion of black tar. I am suffocating in it, and I cant see.

Would you believe if I told you I have been questioning everyone's happiness?

What makes people happy ?

I dont know. I dont know as much as I dont know what to do with myself. I am too egoistic to delve deeper, and ask the right questions. And I am too proud to talk to anyone.

That was when I realized why I wrote.

Was it my heart speaking?

It has always been easier to write. Like in a diary. I could have never been able to win a speech , but I could write. I have always been able to explain pain as much as I could experience it. It was easier, like breathing.

I am sure it didnt make sense to lot of people, but to me, it did. I knew what I was going through with each sentence.

Maybe, I should write more. Only my sister has been pushing me to write more. I should do it.

I never believed in my writing. It was just a farce. A joke.

But now, to save myself, I need to write. And believe in it.

Dear men,

(I remember one of my friend's note on women. Wanted to reply there but it could have seemed feministic. That is not the intention.)

No, this is not another one of those moments where every girl is cute but dumb and every guy is the overly "saintified". This is for the 'men', group of gender who think they know all that exist and everything that might cease to extinct. Maybe, it’s true. And we agree. That makes the essence of rest of the article.

(1) We are the most confused creatures. It is not because of enumerable options that lie in front of us but we think too much and for everyone. Most of the times, everyone is equally important for us.That is not a problem; it is entangled strings of thoughts that make decisions confusing for us. The only suggestion we would make here is don’t confuse us more. We understand your in-depth knowledge of everything but leave certain things to us. Especially when dealing another woman.

(2) We are sick of the jokes that are made on us, yet, we would laugh at yours. It is not sympathy or pity. We thought that was your intention. To make us laugh, right? *giggle giggle*

(3) We are lost when it comes to direction. Just as you are lost when it comes to names and date.

(4) Sigh! We are one jealousy beings. We hate it when you compliment other girls. We are conscious of our looks. This is the reason that cosmetic industry makes billions. No , you are not at all jealousy types. Just a little possessive. A little too much that you can’t stop questioning about a guy whom we smiled at near the coffee machine.

(5) We would love to dress up for you. Everything you demand. Like the models or the girl who is next to your cubicle in office. Alas! We don’t have the money the movie star has or the over generous boyfriend the next-cubicle- girl goes out with.

(6) We went to school just like you, we went to college just like you and we would go to workplace too. We fought along with you all the years with the system, the education scenario and everything that seemed impossible to you. This entire thing narrows to the factor that we too are incapable of cooking or drawing rangolis. If you can do either of these, we are truly pleased and appreciative. It doesn’t mean you are doing something that a girl should be doing. We have done enough that you were supposed to do.

(7) When we say a swear word, it is just another swear word. It is not that we are showing off or pervert types or we are trying to modernize. We picked it from some guy who used it after every syllable.

(8) Don’t you dare talk about our father. We hate to do that with your mother.

(9) You pay our shopping bills. You pay the bills at restaurants. We give only missed calls. You bring a gift every time you see us. We ignore you to show that we are superior beings. You will have to make the first move.Did you also know that moon is going to swallow earth within next ten years? Ridiculous, is it? Tell me more, I am listening.

(10) Our mood swings faster than blink of an eye. You are aware right? Then, were that immediate seven missed calls necessary when we say we want to be left alone for sometime?

(11) Like the finger prints, every girl is different from another. Stereotyping doesn’t make any sense. If you knew girls were like this only and things that they expected, why wait for the “one” to sweep you off the feet?

(12) Appreciate women for what they do for you. They too have a life, a career and things to handle. It wouldn’t hurt to praise them once a while. But, please don’t make it too often that it irritates us. We know when you flatter us or lie. We just act innocent for you. We are epitome of lies. We lie to save our asses and yours.

One last question that has been nagging my mind, when you think we are so imperfect, confused and selfish, why marry us?

P.S.; I understand that not all women hold beliefs and think like I do. For those who don't, I am sorry. You can your own perception and PUT IT UP IN YOUR BLOG!