Back in randomness

I forgot why I used to write. I dont know where the motivation came from, who read it or what some of my posts even meant. I tried to remember. I vividly understand the surge in heartbeat when I wrote an article. Those non flickering anticipation that each word gave.

What happened to old me ?

What happened to my happiness?

I just saw that the blog was more than a decade old. This means, there are pages of desperation, inspiration and flow of emotions for 10 long years. My each writing would reflect my mood of the day.

Where did my power to dream go? Why am I accepting everything on way now?

Currently, I am a wreck. I am not happy, grateful or sincere. I am lost, devastated and nothing is clear to me. Things I believed in are now forgotten. I live in delusion of black tar. I am suffocating in it, and I cant see.

Would you believe if I told you I have been questioning everyone's happiness?

What makes people happy ?

I dont know. I dont know as much as I dont know what to do with myself. I am too egoistic to delve deeper, and ask the right questions. And I am too proud to talk to anyone.

That was when I realized why I wrote.

Was it my heart speaking?

It has always been easier to write. Like in a diary. I could have never been able to win a speech , but I could write. I have always been able to explain pain as much as I could experience it. It was easier, like breathing.

I am sure it didnt make sense to lot of people, but to me, it did. I knew what I was going through with each sentence.

Maybe, I should write more. Only my sister has been pushing me to write more. I should do it.

I never believed in my writing. It was just a farce. A joke.

But now, to save myself, I need to write. And believe in it.

Roll of a die

In chaotic state of doubt and desire,

When every materialistic and subjective things matter the most,

Bring it closer to your vulnerable heart,

And understand the rhythmic beat that you own.

Being merely prudent is a delusion,

Because there is no relative perfection,

Attain what you must,

For no one shares your own regret.

Don’t believe the folks when they utter,

That grey shades do occur in life,

Black and white is the choice,

And in all circumstances, choice was present.

Destiny moulds as you go,

Fate unfolds when least expected,

But can’t you do something to the withering flower,

That has been placed in your hands.

Thrust forward to run the mile if need be,

Plough the impossible grounds if you want to,

Break the barriers with nonchalant might,

Live the life in your own boundary less right.

Journey that has been cast may seem blurred,

Or easily attainable in companionship,

Whatever be the reason,

Even shadow refuses to follow you in the dark.

Why waste life on things you didn’t want,

Or things that were unattainable,

Why risk for things that were never meant to be yours,

Is running behind the pot of gold under a rainbow considered wise?

Same thoughts, why not fight for what you want?

Give the chance a chance in random,

Move the time in reasons of faith and hope,

And never give up for that one reason you wanted the most.

Miracles are made to occur,

Battles are avenged to fight,

Sometimes, let heart do the talking,

Things that the mind never has to know.

Don’t turn back to see the steps taken,

Deeds are never to be justified,

Sprint forward towards the dark unknown,

No one lied when they said life happens only once.