Cribber's diary

Amongst the darkest and most annoying phases, this maybe a cynical post but I deserve one. Everyone does. I pass phases just like every other person, except that I realize and think about it too much. Memory is a bi- emotion; it helps you at one time and gives you a headache the other time.

Here are my entries in the diary I would love to lose.

I regret..

(1)Not doing the best of ability: Cliché? But it is true. I often wonder what makes one passionate and other, not. There were things that were planned and laid ahead with so much careful calculations but in implementation, everything was lost. Academics, relationships and even, capitalizing on the strengths. I was methodical and never learnt to break free. I am sure nothing is lost but I wish I had tried more and better rather than letting everything take over me. This regret, I am still working on.

(2)Not loving my family as much as I should have: This is very true. I have never let them know how important they are. I never wanted to be known as an emotional individual and chose to be independent. Now, let us not imagine a girl with no love or affection. It is just a feeling that I should have carried out more than what I have ever done.

(3)Letting things go at the end: I have not been very persistent about many things. Too much thinking and too little confidence. It would be nice if I had a bowl of optimism that I could drink from every day. Little things did annoy and little things did exhilarate me. I wish I worked till the end without any confusion and with more clarity.

(3)Letting people hurt me: It is entirely my fault that I chose to go around wrong people and ended up getting hurt. I hate being naïve and thought of being so either. If given the super powers, I would love to dwindle all the time I wasted on those people. If given the chance and guts, I would love to hurt them back. I am not being cruel. What goes round comes back.

(4)Not learning to sing: Music has never amazed me and I, till date have not been able to find out why. It doesn’t make me lose myself nor does it bring any happiness. Music, to me is just another sound; pleasant and not pleasant. But, I love the words that are strung together with the music. Because of this one sole reason, I wish I had learnt to sing.

(5)Not calling my friends: This is a common complaint that I don’t call anyone without a reason. I am sorry. It is laziness that encapsulates my consideration. I promise to call.

(6)Not capitalizing my strength and leaving the weakness: I did exactly the opposite and ended up putting the eggs in too many baskets. Though, it is not my regret, I hope to be more careful in future.

(7)Not saving enough money: Guess this is self explanatory.

(8)Not eating less: Apparently being a part of the fair gender, there are some traits that need to be prominent. To me, beauty and health takes a backseat when food comes into the picture.

(9)Not being able to market myself: I cant laugh loud or throw couple of swear words that every boy in the corridor would notice. I cant say things I did and emphasize on my contribution. I cant let others know what I can do. In simple terms, I cant market myself.

The list seems endless and it does send me to a state of utmost depression. It imbibes a feeling of inferiority and makes me seem insignificant. But, do I do anything about it apart from cribbing? That is another most important weakness.

If God rested

12^th December, 2012, 15: 45 p.m.

He waited for her over the big monitor that has been his only partner for past few decades.

In less than few seconds, she appeared.

“Are you sure?”, he asked in subtle voice that ensured no fear and coveted reply.

“Absolutely”, she replied.

“Dextera Domini”, he said in his breathe and almost a mumble.

“Means the right hand of God. If they work out their plan and execute accordingly, rest assured that the entire world would be convinced”. She emphasized on the ‘entire world’.

“Can it be done scientifically? Bring darkness over light?”, he asked for the thousandth time.

She knew he had something in mind and would stress on a question until he was satisfied. It was her duty to give him the information.

“It pertains to the fundamentals of quantum physics. Light and darkness are mere illusions of mind. Light and darkness are part of the same spectrum with different names. Darkness just consists of wavelengths of various radio, microwave, infrared, ultraviolet, X-ray and gamma rays. If they are emitted in the right quantities, they constitute the darkness”.

“So, it is possible”, he asked again.

“Yes, it is”, she answered again. This time frustration emerged in the conversation. She hid her face behind the 4-D signals monitor. The signal indicated the urgency of the message.

“What is the ultimate motive?”, he questioned. This time he at least seemed to take the conversation further.

“Chaos”. Her one word reply.

“Chaos?”, he asked genuinely perplexed.

“Chaos is the pivot of confusion, untrustworthy, doubts, fear and tends to set human to extreme measures. It makes sure that no one depends on the system. And by this, no one bothers about norms and there is no setting in the society. It is like an epidemic break”, she explained satisfied by her own understanding.

“So, it cant be stopped. People will stop believing in the system and us. There would be murders and suicides.”, he added to her explanation.

“Not just murders, but genocides. People will think that killing is their right. It would involve another survival of the fittest. Dextera Domini believe they are sent by God to destroy everything. Just like the Ark of Noah”, she explained to indicate the seriousness.

“This must be stopped”, he claimed.

She felt this was the first time he said something wise. She didn’t reply to him. She remained calm and allowed him to think.

“How did they convince that the world would end?”, he asked.

‘Questions again’, she thought. “Sir, the means of communication is much more complex and far reaching”, she almost smirked in reply.

“No. How did they say that the world would end?”, he asked more clearly.

“They said that the earth would rotate the opposite direction. This indicates that the places that have sun would become dark and vice versa. This would be followed by cyclones and any other factors that might exist in this phenomena”, she uttered clearly.

“Which simply indicates that they would induce darkness and light at appropriate places and chaos would follow”, he nodded in reply.

“Where are their reactors placed?”, he asked the final question.

She gave him six combinations of longitudes and latitudes. “You will have to destroy every of them before their operation begins. Good luck Sir”. With these words she disappeared.

He called the operator and gave the instructions.

12^th December ,2012, 23: 53 p.m.

He was sure of their system and perfect execution of commands. More than three fourth of his officers were sent to do the job. There were instant five calls assuring him that the reactors have been taken care of. The sixth reactor, bigger and rumoured to be set on first was still not destroyed.

He was waiting for that one call. A success call that assured him a promotion and the world to look up to their organization. One call that might restore faith in human race.

The communicator blinked.

“Yes?”, he asked.

“We destroyed the all the reactors”, the voice spoke.

“Brilliant !” , he claimed.

“I am not very sure , Sir", voice lowered not in secrecy but in pain.

“What do you mean?”, he screamed.

"There has been spilling. We can see darkness flow right before our eyes.It seems that the reactors continue to function even after being hit.”, voice panicked.“The operation continues because the reactors cannot be destroyed by mere weapons. It was all programmed. We should have hit the source code.”, voice explained.

He slumped into the chair. Everything seemed to fade before his eyes.

12^th December ,2012, 00:04 a.m.

Chaos was set out. Dextera Domini succeeded.