I was never aware that I was capable of spewing this much
hate. And yes, now that I know and see the diminutive atom like fireballs spurting
from my every part of the body, I think I should do something about it. I am
not happy. “About what ?”, you may ask. But this 1:100, brain vs body ratio doesn’t
know. I have lost the strength to believe that something good is going to
happen; but the only good thing that was happening was that the anger never subsided
and I feel the same hate towards everything and everyone.
If you are in super positive frame of mind, I warn you to
not read further. This is going to change all that and drag you to my frame,
which isn’t good in any way. But, if you are feeling that everything has been
unfair to you, I trust you with a company.
I was swimming in wrath that I had to vent it because I couldn’t
kill anyone on sight. First thing I did was to drive my vehicle fast. No, not
rash. I don’t know if I was because I wasn’t thinking. But I was definitely
going at an admirable speed. A grandfather in TVS Champ scorned at me and it
felt momentarily good. I wasn’t going to get the anger out of me. I stopped for
no one, cared for no one. Then, I tried to imagine something good and that was
when my alter ego grew immensely. By the way, she is Kwarkshi, a mix of Evil
Father and Angel mother. For obvious reasons, she is very good for a while,
very evil other times. This was the exact feeling I was having and more than
evil. I let her curse people in my mind till I smiled a lot outside. It worked
a bit, but I was running out of imaginations.
As soon as I reached home, I drank one liter carton juice in
a single gulp. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t angry because I was
hungry. Yeah, its happens. Sometimes.
I let the juice hit my stomach floor and checked my flare
temperature. It didn’t come down and I concluded that my irritation was,
indeed, genuine. I quickly did a research on the net for bringing down my
volcanic eruptions.
Count from 100..till 1. Oh ! Yeah right!
Think of beautiful things. *Double* Yeah right!
Do yoga. Wait. Is this even a solution ? Move every muscle
in your body to make you calm ? Touch your feet with your fingers? Isn’t there
an organ called stomach in between the two ? And doesn’t it bulge?
I slammed my laptop close, opened it again quickly, to see
for damages. It was my office laptop. I just had to be sure.
Thoughts flowed in my head, everything mad, negative and
irritating. Every incident, word spoken. I felt betrayed, cheated and sad for
myself. It was my mistake that I entered to the comfort zone and it was way too
comfortable to make a move. I bottled up all this anger and stood silent.
What should I do ?
What can I do ?
That is when I realized I should harness all this anger and
do something about it. First thing I did was write this article. No, it honestly
has not made me feel better. I actually think I have written something utter
nonsense and drowning in shamelessness. But, this is better than bottling it up
inside and not doing anything about it.
So, I am going to be let this bulk-hulk mode on. Focus it
all on something totally different and shoot it. Maybe it will turn sour; or
for once, it will be for good. I am going to go there. And get it!
FTW!
P.S., If you think
this instilled anger in you, I believe you should share.
P.S., I kept it short. No, I wasn't hungry. Promise.
