What? Is it me?

I quite often read my own blog posts. I realised one unusual thing.

I have lost the sense of humour.

What? Is it me??

Blessing and bawling

I fell at my mother's feet.

"Hope you get a good husband", she blessed.

I got up, glared and snapped "Cant you bless me with something like an MBA?"

"I couldn't think of anything at the moment" , she replied trying to look innocent. "Bull!", I growled and shook my head.

"Any way it is not wrong to bless you that way", She justified.

"But it is not what I want at the moment!", I growled again.

"You have been writing CAT year after year. And we have been patient enough", she said.

Very true. Apparently I am one of the very few lucky ones whose parents have let their daughters write CAT again. No, it is not about the exam ; it is about the time period. Two years after college is way too long according to Indian standards. And doing an MBA would take another toll of two years.

It is not pressure. It is irritating to keep in my mind that we don't have time.I don't blame my mother for this. It is the general trend and I have seen her being compelled by other mothers who have married off their daughters early or "at the budding age" to US mapallais.

Once at a jewellery house when we went to get gold coins for Lakshmi puja, a similar incident occurred.

She looked at all the gold stuff and said "Haan! I have to get you that and this..." and again the growling and cribbing started.

"Don't you ever think of anything else in life?", i asked her once.

"You two girls are my most precious things on earth. Don't I have the right to say and do good things for you?", she asked.

"But amma, 24 * 7 it is the same. Are you by any chance brain washing? It is only brain damaging!"

"You don't understand. You will when you cross my age", she said meekly.

Ah!another standard dialogue. It is not like I am hardly romantic or I am against marriages but our own ambitions can be given a thought.

On occasions like this I look upon my father for rescue.

On this particular day of blessing, he intervened too. "What is happening now?, he asked.

"Look at her, dad, again marriage talks", I tried to sound helpless.

"There is nothing wrong blessing her with good husband", my mom justified her point.

Dad looked at both of us and sighed. "Hmmmm...I wonder what the guy's mother is blessing him with. It is not a blessing but a curse for him only", he said and grinned.

I laughed and moved to him leaving behind mom to sulk to herself.

Sigh!

I look at my blog. Nothing new and nothing useful.Just like my life.

Is it worth pushing yourself beyond capability and trusting the instinct every time?Is it necessary to tolerate things happening to you when the truth is slashed across your face and let you know that you cant do it?

On the whole, is it mandatory to do things that you hate just because your ego does not let you accept that you are incapable?

I rather not do a thing I hate but do hundred things I love. Maybe, the thing I hate is going to give me everything-secure future, happiness, pride and even make others happy. But at the end of the day, I just realize I have been cheating myself.

Is it of any use?

P.S.; Sorry for the dysfunctional post. Looks like I am turning pessimist now.

My tarot reading

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Retrospection when you have committed a mistake

I look back and see the evil me. I smile at my follies. I know I have committed things that were so unknown to others. The satan arose. I hurt and it hurt me. I hate the hatred that existed.I loved the love that was given.In the times that lie ahead, the darker side of life and me.I wish time flew and I erased the naked truth. I wish I knew what was I doing at the moment. I envisaged life as a destination not a path.A path with hurdles.I wish I fell again and again so that the pain would take away the pain.

Lessons of life taught the hard way. And it does hurt.

I ask..

I ask for time to fly past,

I ask for forgiveness,

I ask for pain where it hurts the most,

I ask for words that were uttered,

I ask for people who cared,

I ask for love so rare,

I ask for reasons for stupidity,

I ask for destiny to take toll,

I ask for peace,

I ask for fruits for deeds,

I ask for decisions to be rectified,

I ask for another chance in life..

Time pass

It was early in the morning and I was walking towards the bus stop. Lost in my own world, I came to a halt. I was little confused what stirred me; then I saw sparks from the transformer below which I stood.I trotted forward to a safe area and looked up. There was smoke coming from a particular spot of the transformer.Within seconds, something black whirled and fell on the ground.On closer look, I recognised a crow.Fried.