At 35 - Replying to a post from 10 years ago

 Hellos! 

Is anyone interested anymore? Is anyone reading other people's lives or has Twitter taken over? Is anyone blogging? Is it still a "thing"? 

I dont know anymore. As much as I dont know the lingos of the Net, prices of so many things or different shades of green colour. Mobiles have been replaced, books dont smell the same and there is no calm in my mornings. But life drifts obsequiously.  It did. It peaked, plummeted at so many places, but it moved forward. Way too fast than required.

I can feel life in my head that once had so many dreams. Dreams still exist in random neurons , but not the same ones.

I can feel life in my bones. Fragile and pops at different places. It is not dangerous yet, but it is scary. I am not old, just careful to not to be old too soon.

I can feel life in my people. From the notion that everyone around me was supposed to be aligned to now, each to their own. Empathy occupies and inebriates in every whiff of my sentence. It is necessary to keep my sanity. and my personal space. 

So, here is a comparison from what I wrote 10 years ago, to what I am. 

In bold- what I wrote at 26 - 

1. Life planned will always remain in blueprint. It takes a dedication to make it come true. Don’t try too hard, move with the flow 

 At 35, I am still moving with the flow, though I am bit aware where the flow has taken me over the years. I have done a lot over my years in terms of travel and finances, and quite proud of it. Most of them wasnt planned to the nit grit. 

2. Relationships are important but make a point to understand if you mean anything to them

Nothing is more important than me. My thoughts, feelings and certain state of being. Nothing. No one.

3. People no longer lie at your back; they lie at your face

Doesnt matter. I dont pick any calls from anyone. You can whatsapp me the lies, or whatever. I dont think anyone cares about these cheesy stupid sentences.

4. There is competition only if you think so. Everyone has his own audience

There is a mad mad mad competition out there. Everyone's audience is overlapping. But, to be genuine and have close set of people is enough as audience. I am still running the rat race, but it is ok. I am ok running the race. I am not different or unique in terms of talent, but I have made peace with that.

5.  Stereotypes will strike when you thought you broke them all

Oh man! I have no idea what stereotypes I was talking about. But, I know I had my personal opinions aligned at 20. People are still throwing their personal experiences as the way of living, and I dont agree with that. However, I am not telling anyone anything . I made lot of personal resolutions in 2016-2017, and I want to stick to them. They are definitely not in the norms of the society that I spend my everyday with, but I am not voicing out. I am not anyone's favourite or being admired, but I know that I am trying very hard to be the nice person.

6. Love has become more of convenience. If not for yourself, it is for someone

For my own peace, I have stopped to define what love is. 

7. Hobbies will be capitalized

Tried and it didnt work. Gave up. But I took up many many hobbies along the way, and I was doing fine.

8. Balancing out has become a task in itself

I just want inner peace. It can be balanced out with Broccoli or Burgers.

9. Friends matter a lot. More than I expected

I dont know anyone way too much anymore. No one knows me either. We are good in the current space. 

10. Who cares and who doesn’t is all in your head. 

Care for myself, and that is enough. Please get those million thoughts out of the head. Live in the moment. Look after health, avoid sugar and meditate.

One black coffee

She pulled up the glasses to her forehead and wiped the sweat with a half torn face napkin. As an immediate reaction, she checked her face on the dark mobile screen and plucked out the shreds of the paper that were stuck on her skin.

“Here ma’am, is there anything else you would like to have ?”, the waitress placed the cup of black coffee with utmost skill.

Waft of freshly brewed coffee’s decoction hit Mira’s nostrils, and she fell into a state of transcendence.

“No..Thank you…”, she stuttered continuing to inhale.

The waitress smiled, and trotted to take the next order from the only other customer apart from Mira.

Her state of wholeness was suddenly interrupted by someone calling her name. And the voice shook every neuron in her head. But, her emotions were neutral. This surprised her.

“Mira, Is that you? Whoaaa…how are you?”, he quipped, genuinely startled.

‘Damn..why is he here? Why is here? Why is he here?’

With no one offering, and out of habit, he pulled out the chair opposite to Mira settling comfortably.

“It has been 6 months! I haven’t heard from you. Whoa! You have lost lot of weight. And you look great”, he continued without a pause.

‘It was deliberate weight loss, and self love , you asshole’

“Thank you! So, how are you?”, she asked, deliberately not returning any compliments.

“I am ok. Neola is fine”, he said reading her face for emotions.

But there weren’t any. Mira had worked on herself for the past half of the year. And it seemed like it was to respond to him at this moment.

‘There was no need to bring her name in the first line of conversation. How did I put up with someone so disgusting for past 5 years?’

“That was the most insecure reply, ever heard”, she muttered under her breathe.

“What?”, he asked acting innocent, though he had heard her.

“Nothing, how is work?”, she asked. But, he shifted his focus on the cup.

“Hey! That must be black coffee. Right ? And you are waiting for it to be luke warm. I have always known you. So does it have 2 cubes of sugar?”

Mira rolled her eyes. Even her helper of 6 days knew this better.

“No sugar”, she replied back lidding her anger.

“What?!! No!! Don’t tell me you are doing this no sugar shit, you always loved the sugar. Don’t change that thing. It makes you”, he told her while he plopped two cubes of sugar into the coffee.

Mira stared at him for few seconds. He needed to go. She needed that closure.

She needed to end him in her way, once for all. He was the guy she had planned her life with, though he had always given her confused mixed responses. Her intuition about him had always been the same – they will not end up together. There will be no forevers, or togethers. Still, she hung on to the faith of his words, and emotions. To the world, her relation wasn’t toxic, but to her it was. She had wasted her energy loving him for four years, giving them her best in very sense. It was time that was lost, and more important, she had lost herself in the process. It just took him 2 days to move on, telling her that it was never meant to be. She had no idea if he had cheated behind her back, while she was living in this delusion of love.

“Sugar is bad”, she said.

“Come on Mira..you can have it…”, he butted in.

“I haven’t finished!”, she glared at him.

“Ok ok..” he said raising his hands. She sensed that he was shocked by her assertiveness.

“I am like this black coffee. Strong. Sensational. Simple but”, she said looking at her cup which had sugar pieces that were slowly sinking to the bottom of the cup. “I always liked the coffee that way. Bitter, awakening, and a reminder that it is the best thing to start the day with. But this sugar is quite addictive. I know it is not the sugar that makes the coffee, but it always gives you the sense that coffee is missing something. It gives you this illusion that coffee is not complete. You understand?” 

He nodded his head in circles, quite perplexed.

Nonplussed, she continued.

“So every day, this sugar comes into the coffee, giving this false perception of sweetness, making the coffee seem good. Coffee forgets, what makes it so unique. We forget why we loved the coffee in the first place. It definitely wasn’t the sugar.”

She placed her glasses on the table, giving the pause for him to comprehend.

“But, sugar is bad. It is empty calories, with nothing to hold on to for itself, making everyone addictive and sick. The end result of sugar is always negative”

She looked him straight into the eye.

“And you are that sugar. In my life. The black coffee”

He shifted his position uneasily, not saying a word.

Mira felt light. She felt her heart pounding in happiness. She smiled to herself. Every ounce of faith she had in herself was restored.

“Lila! Can you please bring me another cup of black coffee?”, she shouted out to the waitress who nodded.

“And Lila, make sure there is no sugar in it”, Mira echoed pushing the cup of coffee with sugar towards him.