The factor analysis

The following write up is a subtle gender bias. Probably not the first time but there is only one gender I know of, while the other remains among the mysteries unraveled. “Girl talk” is what would be running in everyone’s mind. Defying the age old story, I say men are little hard to understand.

Among the 3.5 billion approximate, why is that we often fall for the special few? No, it is not a typos error; it is ‘few’ and not one. Also, ‘we’ here are the females. Unless we are shut away on a female island or our parents are extremely orthodox who run scripts of ‘abhishtu’s’ when we take a second look at a guy, I am pretty sure that we would have interacted with at least 20 men in our lives. Simple ones, hep ones, boasty ones or a character that is just inexplicable but we end up just pampering one.

What is that girls look out for in men?

Looks? We have our own subsets of external appearance: handsome, cute, a mix of handsome and cute, hunk, not good looking but something extra (when we don’t have an adjective) , hot, rot, skunk, sweet, sombu, pazham, nerd, stud etc. Quite an exhaustive list. Remember, nerd are not the ‘dislike’ types or hunks are not the ‘sought out’ types. Every guy with decent looks is up on the list. This way, looks are disqualified.

Intelligence? If that was the case, Einstein would have been celebrated till today. Too much intelligence is scary and too less, you know is dangerous. We look for intelligence that we can challenge and are willing to give in trivial fight. We don’t want a “you know nothing” in things that are too arbit or “you know a lot” in things that are important. We seek for intelligence that make quick decisions and stand to their forte; knows what to talk given a situation.

Maturity? Sages in age old eras did say the right thing, men mature late. Most times, never. Maturity is all about how one carries himself and what he talks. That is all. But, this character of life is the most difficult to portray. Maturity is hard to find and we don’t go searching for things that are hard to find. Period.

Polite, soft spoken? This generation is a totally influenced by movies. Polite and soft spoken are wrong signs. In fact, they are not even characters to define a person. If you lower the decibel in the voice, it becomes polite. Nothing more, nothing less.

Sense of humour? Does making someone laugh called a sense of humour? If not, what is? I believe sense of humour lies in individual’s capability to laugh and not in the person’s ability to make the other person laugh. I have known instances where I have seen girls laugh out loud and hard just for the expressions made by the boy. Does this qualify a sense of humour? Boys are boys and not circus clowns.

Down to earth, modesty? Consider a situation, when there is nothing to flaunt, how else do you expect the person to be? Modesty is recognized only in higher levels. When in small amounts, it is camouflaged in traces of ‘nothing’ness. So, calling a guy modest is just a symbol of appreciation and nothing to do with the inherent character. It just grows with age and sense of how others look at you.

Uber cool? What is this word/adjective of definition? Does it mean ‘a complete package’ types? Please look around. Found anyone? If yes, please let me know too.

I have all the characters that can make a guy lovable but not able to narrow down to that “x” factor of a guy. With myriad of choices, how does a girl seek one? How does she connect to very few guys and banish the rest?

Defying the age old story, I say men are little hard to understand.

But agreeing to it, women are extremely hard to understand.

the instincts

Her & Him: New to place. Just a week.

Me :Been at the place for 2 months. Knows everyone quite well.

Her: "I am hungry, lets have lunch".

Me:" Lunch hour at office is from 1 - 2. Fifteen more minutes." (Not looking up from my desktop)

Her: "Come on! who follows the rules anyway. Lets go!" ( a little persuasive)

Him: Hmmmm...ya! I am hungry too. Lets go.

Me: "Hey! People at office will stare at us. Lets eat when everyone does."

Him:"Who is bothered about us here to notice?"

Me: "That is not the point. If we some one notices us today, then we will be the talk of the day." (A little irritated)

Her: Were you a 'first bencher' at school?

Me(shocked): "How did you know?!!"

Giggles. Laughter.

:'(

Why would I want a love marriage?

The opinions are solely mine and please don’t take it too personal. I don’t want to be bombarded with questions. And don’t blame me if I have an arranged marriage J

This is for every man and woman who understood/understands/will understand the simplicity of words and genuine love. I am writing this for the love that lead/will lead to marriage.

Why would I want a love marriage?

Because you would know a person in prior and can have an understanding? Cheesy. Put two boys in a hostel room for three years and they would be ready for marriage. It is not about the “prior” knowledge that sets a love marriage apart but something more and not thought of.

Arranged marriage has thousand benefits of its own and I could put it in words much better than for love marriage.

Which of the men do you want to be in the court of law? The judge or the lawyer? Arranged marriage is where you are the judge while in love marriage, you are the lawyer. Why do I say this? If people at home were to arrange the marriage for you, your highest responsibility would be to accept or reject an offer. You look for the compatibles and much more before you can proceed into the offer. Love marriage is not that way. Love finds you; it is an age old secret of how it is done but it does find you. Compatibility is learnt on the go and then, you convince for the marriage to happen.

In an arranged marriage, you discover one another and try to attach all the strings together leaving behind the differences. Beautiful, is it not? But in a love marriage, you discover yourself. You would not know why you wait for the special person for 2 hours; you just wait. There would be no reason to most of the actions but it happens. Traits like selfish and possessive don’t disappear but you know they exist which you never understood for years.

Sacrifices and adjustment happen in both types of marriages but what is the stake is important. In an arranged marriage, there is a guarantee of things that wait. This is not true in love marriages. When you sacrifice something for another person without even knowing what is at the other end of the tunnel, does it make you a blind fool? Maybe it does and it is for the same unknown magical reason love marriages exist in our country today. Selfless motives behind every action and probably, no right results yet you are willing to take that stride.

Have you understood friendship ever in your life? Why is that sometimes, they are as important as the family or even more? Friendships play an important role in love marriages. No, I am not going into that bollywood and kollywood kind of fantasies. You will understand that friends are there just for you and nothing more or less. They are there for support and are your spine; they exist yet unseen. They would never ask the unnecessary questions are willing to hear to anything you say. You want them. Like never before.

What is being in a relationship mean? An elated feeling of not being alone and someone is there for you? Someone you can cuddle in cold nights and pamper in sunny mornings? Have a pet; it will serve the same purpose. Being in a commitment means you will think twice or more than usual. You will think for yourself and the other. You would know what is to take decisions through heart and not mind. Maybe you got into the relationship through mind, looking at the favorable things but when it comes being in it, you would just not think for yourself alone. Can anything in life teach you to make decisions as good as this? Has your life ever been planned like this?

I often consider that it is the duty of the people in a relationship to convince everyone, including parents. Maybe this is the first time you would have known what you want; so would your parents. There may be clashes or smooth handling depending on the family and beliefs but the first step is to approach the parents. They understand you and you understand yourself better. Among all the chaos, the bond just becomes a bit too tight.

Faith is a good thing. Faith is something that keeps you going. It helps you work towards something that you want so badly. Faith is why human exist and it is found in love. You do everything letting yourself believe that the other person will become yours some day. With love comes a package of emotions that don’t even have names.

Finally, it is the accomplishment that makes a love marriage altogether superior. The efforts that were taken to get that one person into your life will make memories. You went beyond all the conflicts, misunderstandings, no confidence and highest level of persuasion to get what you believed in. Whether this ‘love’ will exist for a long time, I do not know. For a marriage to last longer, faith and trust in each other is a must. For all people who loved before the marriage, it already happened.

Please find link of the contest here: https://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

Midnight shadow

She made a quick noiseless move and I sensed it right behind my spine. The silence that wrapped us was the savior of the moment but she chased him away.

“Are you writing again?”

I lingered on to my savior

“Hmm..that means you are thinking deep. It is not good for you to do that often.”

Bloody. She knew me.

“Anyway, looks like many like your writing. But do they know the reason for those masterpieces?”

“They are not masterpieces! Just amateur writing”, I gritted through my teeth. Temper erupted.

“Ahhhh..you love appreciation, don’t you?”, she asked in normal tone.

To me, it was a jeer.

“Everyone does”, I replied curtly.

“You want to be better than her. That could be a reason too. Feels like a loser?”, she whispered in my ears.

I didn’t reply. It was not true.

“Not everyone is gifted. You are just trying too hard. And all this is not going to bring him back”, she hissed in my ears again.

“Who?” , I asked in a meek voice. I knew the answer. I never confess.

“You can cheat the world, my girl, anyone, but not me. You can act like nothing happened but I know all the moments you cried.”, she said in a voice that brought back the memories.

I concentrated on the words I wrote. There were too many mistakes, just like in my life. The mistakes I never acknowledged. Mistakes that had happened because I didn’t think. Or maybe I thought too much.

“How do you know? What does it mean to you?”, I snarled.

She laughed. It trailed through my ears and seemed like life long.

“You are so vulnerable. You have nothing that is yours; love, money or even talent”, she laughed louder.

I stared at the words. They were crawling all over the place. The echoes of misery lashed everywhere.

Trrrriiiiinnngg

“Hello? Subha?”, I heard a familiar voice.

“Hey Srini!”

“What are you doing?”

“Hmmm..nothing. Was thinking what to write. What are you doing?”

She disappeared from the place and went into my head again. I shut her again; from myself.

Tagged & ragged!

I have been tagged! Yes! Time to do some introspection and get those moment out of my life. With no hue and cry, here it goes..

1. If you could go back in time to relieve one moment, what would it be?
I am one of those blessed ones who had one quarter of my life as holidays. After my twelfth exam, I had almost 5 months before joining a college due to some clash between officials and students. after my Engg., I had solid seven months of idleness. In both cases, I didnt do anything. Not surprising? Still, I wish I put them to some use.So, I want to relieve those moments of idleness and add to my life now. I will make the best use of the time.I promise !

2. If you could go back to the time and change one thing, what would it be?
That one day decision to choose between State board and CBSE. I still feel I should have not switched to state board. Why is it all academic? I am a hard core Chennaite!

3. What movie or TV character do you think you resemble the most in personality?

Elektra! You see, thats my alter ego :)

4. Which movie or TV character would you love to be?

No movie character but JK Rowling. Or Chetan Bhagat :)

5. If you could push the one person in the whole world off a cliff and get away with it, who would it be?
Navjot Sidhu. Hate the way he speaks!

6. Name one habit you need to change in yourself.
Laziness. Duh!

7. Describe yourself in one word.
Creative

8. Describe the person who named you in MEME in word.
Simple and straight. Talented but modest. Quite a package I say :)

9. Why do you blog?
I love writing. I like trying out different stuff and writing is one of the most versatile action I have ever known.More important, I like being appreciated ;)

10. Name at least 3 people or more to send this MEME and then inform them.

Srivatsan: http://rivat-hanss.blogspot.com/

Viswa : http://www.vishfulthinking.com/

Iswarya: http://iswarya-m.blogspot.com/ (want her to write :))

11. Link back to the person who tagged you in this MEME.
http://kalyanb4u.wordpress.com/ Thanks a lot Kalyan :)

Introducing myself.The pain.

I am pain. I am no ambivalence because I have no further degrees of existence. Big or small, I am still the pain.

I am prevalent somehow; I can be seen through externalities like expressions and sounds, at the same time, can be hidden in emotions. Thus, this chaos of dominance makes me special yet I am the unwanted. No, I am not related to sadness because I live in all myriads of human feeling. I can be felt in sadness, cured in injury, confused in failure, understood in rejection and most important, never do I come alone.

I can never be explained. I could sweep in through you to show my presence or stay in corner of heart and make it heavy but never has anyone been able to describe what I am.

I am underestimated and need my due respects. I could show who you really are. I am the reason for your introspection. I could help you realize the worth of many other feelings that you really look forward to. Would you realize happiness without me? Gain something you have always wanted without my assistance? Adding to millions of my service, would your emotions exist without me being there?

I am not God but a way to him; make you kneel before anything that you fear or love, the choice is yours. I am sometimes the pleasure you seek and sometimes, the relief you want. I am the origin of fear and result of action you might want or wish to avoid. When I am there, you would have no other companion but me. The only thing that ever hits your sense is to get rid of me. I am sometimes, your soul mate.

I am a symbiotic nuisance; I cannot exist without your will.

Understand me, for I have been misunderstood for ages. Without me, there is no victory, no self respect and no other emotion. I am the God. I am the devil.

Return gift

“How long do you expect me to believe your story, Yaswath?”

“Neeta, you are mature enough to understand the situation. I have just finished my degree. Times are bad”

“I have been waiting for too long. People are pestering at home. Every girl is getting married”

“Neeta, it will happen soon. Just trust me. Where are you?”

“It is none of your concern”. Click.

Neeta collapsed on the stone staircase that led to an open elevated stage. She felt the park seemed unknown and very strange even though she had been in the city for 13 years. She stared at the tree and let her thoughts wander. She didn’t even bother than her white salwar and light blue dupatta were picking dirt.

Somebody tapped her shoulder.

“Didi, want groundnuts?”, said a small boy with chubby face that assured baby fat and frail body. He stood with a tin can almost his size that also carried paper folded in cones and stacked at one corner.

“How much for one?”

“Just 5 rupees didi. How many do you want?”, he asked eagerly.

“I will give you 20 rupees. Sit down here”, Neeta pointed out to the empty place next to her.

“Didi..I ..have..work..”. He was completely surprised and more curious.

“I will buy all your stock today. Now, will you sit?”

It was a tempting offer that he didn’t want to let go off. He carefully placed the tin on the lower staircase and sat down. He kept giving side glances at her. She didn’t say anything.

“Are you one of those kind?”, he broke the silence.

“Which kind?”, she asked suddenly shaken by his question.

“You know..the ones who do stuff with kids…”, he glanced at her but concentrated on the pavement in front of him. “Raju chacha has warned us against people like that. I know you are not but just assuring myself.”

“No. I am not”, she grinned at him.

“Thank God you are smiling. Now, can I go?”, he placed his hand on the tin.

“Not until you have answered one question. How do you trust someone?”, she asked looking straight into his eye.

“Didi..I don’t know..”

“Then, sit down and think of an answer”, She pulled him down to sit.

The silence prevailed. He watched the group of older men and women doing some movements at the other end of the part. There were young girls giggling over a photo album. He saw a group of men working on setting up a stage.

“Didi, there is going to be a show staged today. They are selling the tickets at the counter. Do you want one? It will lighten your mood.

“How much is the ticket?”, she asked disinterested.

“Just 50 rupees per head”, he explained with wide open eyes.

She took out a 1000 rupee note and handed it to him. “Get two, one for yourself and me.”

“Thanks Didi. Will be back in a jiffy”. And he took to his heels.

Fifteen minutes later

“The..ticket..two. . the change”, he gasped for breathe and handed over the money.

“Good. Now, sit down”, she insisted again.

He scowled at her and sat down. The silence was killing. ‘What does she want? All these rich people are crazy. Who cares as long as she is buying my groundnuts’. He continued to stare at the people.

“Maybe this is how you trust people”, he exclaimed.

“What?”, she asked, quite confused.

“You gave me thousand rupees. It was sign of faith.I took the sign and got the tickets. I had my chances to get away with the money but I didn’t. You just have to give time and benefit of doubt. Everyone has the chance to cheat but what he does in a situation is what trust is all about.”, he explained half immersed in glory and self appreciation.

It struck her. Yaswath had his chances too. He has been in America for almost three years and it has not been a day that he has never called. He had always been there for her. Tears began to flow from her eyes. She looked at her hand and saw a very thin gold bracelet that Yaswath had gifted her during their college days. He had used all his internship money on that. The boy was still looking at her for her reply. This boy made her understand something she was unable to answer for months.She took the bracelet and handed over to him.

“What are you doing Didi??”, he asked in shock.

“Take it. You will never know the value of your words”, she said and began fiddling with numbers on the phone. She moved out of the place leaving him to silence again.

Tring.Tring.

Click.

“Hello. Kaun?”

“Raju chacha, its me. Nitin. “

“What is it? Were you able to get something valuable?”

“Chacha,I spotted a lonely lady by the staircase with a gold chain “

“What happened then?”

“I could not do anything. I tried my best”

“You are so useless. Anyway, leave it. We will see tomorrow”.

Click.

He vowed to self that he wouldn’t steal again. There are good people in this world.