Jasmine - Part 1 : Deal of the mourners

I watched #AladdinNaamTohSunaHoga on Sab TV recently. Though you make find it odd for someone of my age, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was during one of those episodes, where I contemplated a story of my own on Aladdin, but the main character needed to be #Jasmine. So, here we are, with another spin off from the Arabian Nights 1001 stories in a mature content.

As a writer, I have always refrained from writing any sexual or violence, but this story has both. Not in the wildest fantasy forms, but subtle ones. I wouldnt advise this story to very young audience (and also I am aware that very very few people come here these days).

So, here we go , with characters from #Aladdin turned into human and weapons (as and when convenient) for the story. Please let me know what you think, and all types of criticism are welcome.

So along...

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Brimming in chaos of desires,

Twisted in wishful sweet poison,

Under moonlight, excelled the calling,

Shone her eyes, of the gleam and deal was in liaison.

She clicked her tongue as she looked at the red gem that was mounted on the head of the cobra. Eyes of the two beings of the room danced in unison; one with desperation and other of greed. The arrangement was to be made in the nadir of the worlds, and it had to be urged.

The cellars of the place shone in auburn, smelt of burnt walls and bricks. The aura was warm to be comfortable, but Jafar shuddered. He was knelt before her , more out of eagerness to delight than respect. She was oblivious to his chivalry, and obsessed her vision on the cobra staff. 

"Hail, Queen of death, mother of dark, sorceresses of all miseries, I present you the Amara. To lure men of Earth to keep you company".

Jafar extended his hands for Nephthia to take a closer look.

Even though the hypnosis of Amara would never work on strong willed woman like Nephthia, she was vividly tempted at the offer. As she lusted over the proposition, sudden envisage broke her out of the desires.

She darted her eyes from the staff and voyaged deep into Jafar's soul. She was pulled into myriad of selfish worldly needs. She knew all men who came to her were the same, except he was the indisputable worse she has ever met. Men walked the fires to her, for the desires of wealth and fame, but this long-limbed man came to her with an intention that no man had asked her before. 

Jafar was not petrified of her stare, but felt squeamish. In his years of Blackmagic, she wasn’t  the first terrifying power he had reached out to, nor the worst looking one he had acquainted with in the past. She was both at a time, and this made him nauseous. His experience of years taught him to conceal this on his face. 

The environment was filled with fire, but he did not feel scorching hot. The fires were producing neither any heat nor any sound. The vast space was empty, and he wasn’t even sure if he was in a room or just in a black mass. He didn’t delve too much into the landscape and concentrated on the deal that had to be struck at the first instance. 

After delayed stillness between them, she spoke. 

"Travelling the aeons of darkness, greatness of Noblemen, papyrus dont burn without evidence. As murky as it sounds, what is that you seek ?"

Jafar looked at her with his head slightly bent over the floor. His heart was burning with the entreaty , but he calmed himself. He had to place it upon her, very judiciously. 

"Dear Queen, in exchange of the Amara, with which you can control all the mortals to your heart's content, I seek your companion. Upon me."

Nephthia knew what that meant. She was in covetous agreement, but also inquisitive.

"I do not understand"

Jafar slowed his breathe of excitement. He knew she was bought in, except he shouldn’t appear any less scrupulous with his demand. There was no room for any mistake.  He bent and placed Amara at the feet of Nephthia. She didn’t move her gaze from him. 

"I crossed the heat, salt and seas for you. For the glory you are spoken of, please accept this small gift and place your trust upon me. Just travel with me to all the corners of the world, but on your accord and will. Be my companion, place your abode in me. When the club of any man on Earth strikes on me, …"

"You cannot be killed", she completed the sentence.

Jafar smiled for the first time. He straightened his head and stared right into her. 

"A human cannot be made immortal using any deal with the Goddess of death",  she explained.

"Yes, my Queen, I am aware. I only ask you not be appeased when it comes to that", He helped.

"Only I can bring you here, and no human can", she told him as the signature of the deal.

"Yes, my Queen, only on your accord, I can die"

"What do you intend to do with such power?", she asked gliding from the throne.

A waft of black smoked silhouette arose from her as she examined the staff's gem. 

"To be ruler of Agrabah", he said in few words.

Nephthia knew this wasn’t the limitation of his desire. Men didn’t stop at just being kings of a land.

"You have to just kill the king, don’t you ?", she asked holding his chin. 

Jafar was visibly frightened of her presence closer to him, and this gratified her. 

"It is not a king, but a queen. And she has a lover who possesses a lot of magical creatures"

Nephthia showed a mixed expression among the sullen ashes.

"Hmmm…", she pondered and moved back to the throne with the staff. However, the black silhouette stayed in its place. 

"I was just curious. Consider this deal to be made. While I cannot travel to earth with you, my aura will accompany you. She will reside inside you all the time."

While she said this, Jafar was engulfed in the smoke, which sprinted into him in twirls. When the disorder inside him settled with the external power, he smiled.

Under the lights of hell, whispers and power, the deal was struck between Vizier of Agrabah and the Goddess of death.  

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 Read Part 2 here

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While we are here, still a Vijay Deverakonda fan . To help with the COVID-19 situation, his team has started a Middle Class Fund, which aims at providing the basic necessities to middle class families. The team has been very transparent in their work, and you can watch the behind the scenes on Youtube (link here )

Last time when I had tweeted about VD, I saw a lot of fans comment on my post, so I felt I could use (my so called writing) platform to make people aware of the foundation. You could donate, volunteer or just spread this message around.

More details on the foundation can be found here

(Also, if you absolutely hated my writing, please feel free to let me know, and I will donate to TDF :D )

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Mirrors

"I am Goddess. Her Goddess"

Engrossed in self affirmation thoughts, her fingers touched the sedating tones of the light that passed through the curtains. Engulfed in darkness of the room, her eyes shone with the images that appeared in glassy form. Her monotonous routine that existed for past half of the year repeated itself again today. This was her life, in all means, one she wanted to have but it lay in another realm of the universe. There she saw them, Vyas and Avantika, as blurry images in the strange light, but vividly in her head. 

She still didn’t come into terms with what had happened almost six months ago. In desperation to end everything, and rage madness of isolation she discovered she was able to touch upon an alternative universe. She couldn’t comprehend it at first, believing it to be one of her hallucinations, but she saw herself in another universe. The women in other universe was herself – her curly haired , tall frame but that was where the similarities end. In her world, Neha was alone and depressed, but when she knew she could control some of the happenings in the other world ,she reversed all the feelings for the Avantika in the other universe. She had learnt that was she was called in the other universe.

Avantika was everything Neha wanted to be. Filled with confidence and grace, Avantika moved around in positivity. 

"It is all my doing. I am her Goddess"

It was true that Neha could alter events in Avantika's world. It was Neha who put the miracles, confidence and Vyas. All Neha had to do was feel the emotions of everything she wanted Avantika to have and touch the realm that shone from the curtains, and they reflected. Not very successful all the time since it involved human emotions, but when they worked, they worked great. This way, Neha influenced all the moments that Avantika believed were magic – answers in exams, signs from the universe and laughter out of blue.

It took Neha, weeks for her to frame Vyas in her head and reach him emotionally. This was excruciatingly hard, because Neha was never loved in her realm. She was mentally abused from everyone she expected to love her. To birth someone out of love, from a hollow meaningless heart was hard for Neha, but she did. She pictured Vyas in each frame of her mind and passed him to reality to Avantika's world. There he was, in all intelligence, valour and love. 

Neha always made beautiful scenarios for them ; from their first kiss, making love to their meaningless possessive fights. She filled them with love when they were missing each other, happiness in their sadness, thoughtful in their ways and respectful in their deeds. She gave them all the energy she possessed, and invested in their mental well being. She could only influence so much as the scenarios in their lives, not their thoughts or deeds. She set their lives as much as she could, in all colours. 

Neha gave everything for the other realm. She would sit in that corner day in night out, crane her neck over the images till her head would start to throb. She would then watch them sleep in their world, and pop her sleeping pills for peace in hers. Every morning she opened her eyes to their love, journey and lives. 

Avantika would now and then experience a Déjà vu , and Neha would know it is from her world. Neha had much control with Avantika, because it was herself, and not so much on Vyaas. Since she watched both in their every day lives, she would set Avantika as Vyas wanted her to be, so he would treat her the way Neha wanted. If she saw he was sad, she would signal Avantika to message him, watch her suddenly feel confused, pick her mobile and message Vyas. 

Vyas was that ideal man in Neha's head. He was loyal, full of love and handsome lad. He took efforts to woo Avantika, pamper her and indulge in every thing she wanted.

Neha believed she created this perfect world for Avantika. She had everything Neha would have thought as luxury – perfect home, man and life. 

"Avantika must be the luckiest woman ever. She is this Goddess's child"

It was one of those days, where Neha had executed a full bliss. She instilled Avantika's desire to go to the beach, then gobble down two mugs of beer, whisper sweet nothings into Vyas's ears as he drove back home. They had watched the sunset together, chatting away about the nostalgic moments of the previous years of their lives. Neha listened to them earnestly, even though this was her third time. Vyas had kissed Neha, a good night under moon and she sneaked into the house without making a sound.

Like every other night, Neha saw Avantika change her clothes and pray before going to bed. This was the most fulfilling moment for Neha. Sometimes, Avantika said the prayers in her head which would be like murmurs for Neha, and other times louder. Neha always felt those prayers were for her, for she was the one who did everything.

When Avantika lay on the bed in her world, Neha popped her night pills.

"Today was a perfect day"

Avantika usually slept as soon as her head hit the pillow, but not today. She tossed a bit around and stared into the ceiling, which seemed directly into Neha's eyes. Even though Neha's body was surrounding to the pills, it irked her.

"Why aren’t you sleeping, Avantika? Are you thinking of how great the day was? Of how blessed you are? Are you counting your miracles?"

Avantika frowned. Neha didn’t feel a happy vibe from Avantika, however it wasn’t a negative one either. 

"Did you hear me, Avantika ? Are you happy?"

Avantika sighed and suddenly got up. She seemed lost in her thoughts.

This made Neha anxious. 

"Had she missed something important ? Was it their birthdays ? Or any important day ? What did I do wrong ?"

She waited. For a moment, across the universes, both their eyes met. Neha flinched in uneasiness. This has never happened before. She saw Vyas smiling to himself in his sleep. 

"Hey God!", Avantika muffled under her breathe.

This annoyed Neha as she was clearly the other gender, but she just looked on. Her heart pounded heavily. She didn’t know why she was feeling this way. 

Avantika's lips moved again, "don’t you think I deserve better ? Better life, happiness? Even guy like Vyas, hmmmm.. I could really do better"

Time stopped when she heard it. The quivering voice of Avantika broke every fragment of Neha. Her pain, blemishes, misery. Everything swallowed slowly into emptiness of unfathomable existence. She breathed slowly in blank emotion. 

"In spite of everything. In spite of all. In spite of love, contentment. In spite of perfect man. All that I did. All that I gave. All that I showered upon her"

Neha couldn’t think further as she swallowed the lump in her throat. It wasn’t her situations in either world. Her head felt heavy with sleep, but her mind was calm. She knew one thing for sure.

In this world, next one or in any other of the infinite ones, it was her. Always her.

An assignment

I am going to through a writing course, because I needed to pick a hobby. As part of the course, I need to write an assignment about the most painful thing I felt in my life. I have 7 minutes to pour this out, and I could be brave. I have always been brave, or actually hiding because nobody is reading.

So, here it goes, my time starts now :

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No, it wasnt love, or isolation, that hurt me the most. It was my own failure to give it all in my academics. A trait I cannot keep up with. It was during my teenager days and the final score of an exam, that affected me the most. I scored low among all the friends, and knew I wouldnt be in the best of colleges. And the most painful feeling in the situation was guilt.

I was given every opportunity by my parents to excel in academics. I was given internet at 15, coaching classes, incredible brilliant friends, yet I failed them all. I failed my parents. And it made me so guilty. I cried for an entire week to myself, I cried throughout the night that God could somehow change my scores. It felt like I was always in the limelight, and suddenly someone turned off the switch. I was there, stranded alone, and when I looked further at the audience, everyone stared back. My mother felt so disappointed that she didnt confront me. She wasnt angry . She was quiet. That quietness deafened me. I could hear my own voice in my head, and I am my most best-worst critic. It was my voice telling me that I failed for life. I wasnt going to a good college. I felt , and still feel I dont deserve the single opportunity given to me. All those I was privileged with should have gone to someone else who needed it most. He could have done things much better. It was my first big time failure. It crashed my confidence that I never gained back. It scares me to death of all the consequences that followed. Even today, when I write a simple certificate exam, the 17 year old me wakes up within. She is constantly telling me I am going fail in whatever I do. She is creeping all over my body, and no one understand this when I tell them. I am still ashamed that I disappointed everyone around me.

I am reminded of this again today, and it is the same guilt saddening feeling inside.

I wish I cold vomit these emotions.

And flush it down somewhere.

***

And I am done :)

Back in randomness

I forgot why I used to write. I dont know where the motivation came from, who read it or what some of my posts even meant. I tried to remember. I vividly understand the surge in heartbeat when I wrote an article. Those non flickering anticipation that each word gave.

What happened to old me ?

What happened to my happiness?

I just saw that the blog was more than a decade old. This means, there are pages of desperation, inspiration and flow of emotions for 10 long years. My each writing would reflect my mood of the day.

Where did my power to dream go? Why am I accepting everything on way now?

Currently, I am a wreck. I am not happy, grateful or sincere. I am lost, devastated and nothing is clear to me. Things I believed in are now forgotten. I live in delusion of black tar. I am suffocating in it, and I cant see.

Would you believe if I told you I have been questioning everyone's happiness?

What makes people happy ?

I dont know. I dont know as much as I dont know what to do with myself. I am too egoistic to delve deeper, and ask the right questions. And I am too proud to talk to anyone.

That was when I realized why I wrote.

Was it my heart speaking?

It has always been easier to write. Like in a diary. I could have never been able to win a speech , but I could write. I have always been able to explain pain as much as I could experience it. It was easier, like breathing.

I am sure it didnt make sense to lot of people, but to me, it did. I knew what I was going through with each sentence.

Maybe, I should write more. Only my sister has been pushing me to write more. I should do it.

I never believed in my writing. It was just a farce. A joke.

But now, to save myself, I need to write. And believe in it.

Dust

Embracing the cold flaked winds, winged I fly away,

Embalmed hidden corners pretty, I don’t even sway.

Innumerable count of I in number,

Men at aisle see no control and murmur.

In solitary pleasure when I dwell,

Hostile eyes search for me till they swell.

Present in fragment fragrance that you smell,

Sudden drip of unconcerned heights, I rather fell.

Lying on Ashes on man burnt to death,

Cruel handshakes with the rumble and dearth.

Seizing inches of itch on your skin,

Drooling places where you have never been.

Mugged into any of the desired forms,

 Wander away in excess to break all norms.

Walk into lanes where there is no path,

More you kick, I shall rise in wrath.

Delve deeper into the thicker grounds,

Apex, fragile over the mountains.

Bother not what I consist of,

Wish not what makes me tough.

Stirred into flow of lucid waters,

Wrecked with earthworms that no one bothers.

In all will you shall try, I cannot be crushed,

Fast, steady, however, you seem rushed.

Dear men, you think I am yet another lie,

Truth be told, let me enter your eye.